Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
