Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
