I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
