I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
