Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
