Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
