Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize