this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
