You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize