dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
