very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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