By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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