I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize