Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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