i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
