Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
