hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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