theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
