I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
