We named our party play list daddy issues
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
