I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
