dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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