Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize