My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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