i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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