i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
