You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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