i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
