when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
did you just send me my own nude
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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