Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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