Soap is not a condiment
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
