we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
