My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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