The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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