im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
