I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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