I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
