I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
