Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
