Sponge bath it is.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
