exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
