When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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