I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Couch. On fire.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
