you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
