Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
