Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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