I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
