I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
