Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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