Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
