This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
