A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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