He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
