I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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