her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize