i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
