I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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