Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
