You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
