Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
