I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
