Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
