I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
