You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
