he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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