Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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