Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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