so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
