Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
