I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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