So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
