Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
