I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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