it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
