Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
