pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
