just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
