the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
