so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
