She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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