okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
