you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
