There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
