i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
