you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
