I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
