Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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