It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
