I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
