Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
