my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
