Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
