my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you would pick up someone in the library
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
