I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize