The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
